Two O One One
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Literature Text
life passes in fragments
and I
sway into nostalgia at London Eye
where sounds mend into the Thames
and my heart mends into the sky
memories vibrating trough guitar strings
fingertips and eyeballs
pulsating pupils, staring
oh bring me
bring me back to life
two o one one
marble lions spread their wings over Venice
and I
fall asleep in Charles-H.-King Street
with the stars in my eyes
two o one one
the alternative pigeons fly high over Luther Square
and I
fall into a pit of ever present beauty
where happiness, and love shine brighter
two o one one
the street artists blur into the setting sun
and I
let go, let go, let each of you go
I loved you, I loved you, I loved you so
would you lay me down beside you
tell me all the things I long to hear
like that was your favorite year
cause that was my favorite year
- Dixie Chicks
Hi, there! This is Bethsheba, with a critique from 
I really think that your poem's title is one of its strongest points. There are two things in particular that I enjoy about it: the fact that its meaning isn't instantly apparent, and the way that you integrate it into the body of the piece. The title has a bit of mystery to it, which draws the reader in, and a rhythm which propels the poem forward, stanza by stanza.
Another strength of this piece is its wordplay. There are evocative phrases throughout (“alternative pigeons” is one of my favorites) and an unusual use of metaphor in the second-last stanza- falling into a pit is usually meant as a negative, but here you use it to describe a total immersion of the senses in happy and beautiful things.
The final stanza is a fine ending to this summary of what sounds like an amazing year. It reinforces to the reader the importance of what you experienced, and the difficulty of leaving those places and people behind. I especially like how the repetitions in the last two lines reinforce that you're letting each little thing go one at a time, telling each piece that you love it, as if you really can't bear to do it any faster. It ends the poem on a note of wistful, grateful grief.
If there was anything that I would change about this piece, it would be the second line. It isn't a bad line, but it isn't as original and evocative as the rest of the poem. I think that the big issue might be that it is more abrupt, less lyrical than most of the other lines. Something like “life flies by in fragments” would work better.
This is a very strong and emotionally-convincing poem. Well done!